Its only 9:30am but today is already one of those days, we all have them. Those days were we feel like we are failing and that we just aren't doing enough.
My son is three and at the moment it's a very testing time with him. Tantrums, shouting, public screaming demands, not sleeping & one hell of an attitude.He is
pushing all sorts of boundaries an days I just want to open the front door and just walk out.
Terrible isn't it!
I know he isn't deliberately pushing me it's just his age and he is learning how to be a functioning person. Like all adults we have our up and down days and those days we hate everyone and everything and children especially young children are not able to process these emotions so it's misconceived as bad behaviour, but sometimes it feels like he is targeting me and does stuff deliberately to get a reaction. It's really hard.
Most days I feel like I spend my whole day shouting and that really gets to me.
I don't want to be that parent who constantly tells her child off or that my child begins to resent me for the shouting.
The anxiety sets in and its hard to pull yourself back from it.
I always feel that I'm a terrible mum and that I'm not doing it right but then my son does something sweet and loving and I think I must not be doing that much of a bad job of it.
Shouting isn't the correct way to handle children and I know that but sometimes when you have said the same thing 50 times it's hard not too.
When you juggle so much and try so hard to be a good example of a person, even though you are human and make loads of mistakes you judge yourself harshly.
People are constantly judging other mum's and its really hard to be a "Perfect" mum if that actually exists.
Anytime I do something wrong i compare myself to another mum "she wouldn't do that" or "how does she make it look so easy"
But that is a slippery slope. It's easy to get consumed by the feeling of failure and if you let it take control that's all you will feel.
Some days you feel like you could just run away and then you punish yourself for feeling like that. Other days you feel like you got this and your doing great!
I suppose we all must have these days or react in a way that makes you feel terrible, but it's hard to admit that when alot of mum's hide it and portray a perfect image of a mother.
I most likely sound like a terrible mother to you guys but I'm trying to be honest and may be someone who feels the same will read this and know that they are not in it alone.
Don't judge to harshly we are all trying our best even when Some days it doesn't feel like that.